Trying not to lose that feeling...

I am trying to retain composure and avoid having a breakdown. I did cry, a little, once, when I finally got a hold of the ticket agent and she couldn't hear me, hung up, and then closed office for the night, leaving me stranded in the Melbourne airport. I first got the epiphany that something was terribly wrong when I saw my train ticket today and realized that I was supposed to have left yesterday. But since I had double and triple checked my itinerary so many times, I couldn't believe I would make such a fatal error. The problem was, although the complicated airline schedules matched up, I had booked too many nights at the hostel. I was supposed to leave the 27th at 1:45 AM, which doesn't mean I should head for the airport on the 27th, it means I should be there the 26th. I didn't check right when I booked the hostels, but I knew from checking over the itinerary that I wanted to leave on the 26th. I just never saw a calendar- I measured time by how many days I was scheduled to stay in each hostel. Oh me.

Since I am flying a super super discount airline and a regular airline, I had to completely re-buy my ticket for the first and I'll have to pay a big fee for the second, and I'll be late getting back. E.B. is not a patient woman, and she's sure to rub it in my face at every opportunity like she does about my passport. I really dread going back. I don't want to face them.

Lately I've found myself being drawn to furniture, crafts and gardens. I miss having a home and friends of my own choosing. I had an amazing time in Australia and I needed so much to unwind (maybe I unwound a little too much), but it was the end that I enjoyed the most. We finally met interesting people, found the best spots for music and food, got a feel for the public transportation and our way around. I even picked up rollerblading by the beach, a first for me. Every time I learn to love a place and finally find my footing in it, I have to pack my bags and go. It's like having my heart broken over and over until it becomes almost jaded.

I will try to post some pictures and write more about my Aussie trip later, but I can't write very positively right now. I'm just trying to hold myself together. The Sikkim trek will be fun in a challenging sort of way, but oh, it's so tempting to just quit it all. This is the first time I've really felt this way. I used to be more afraid of what waits for me in the States--balancing long work days with trying to maintain a social life and find a job and a home for myself. I know I can handle whatever comes my way, but I know it's not going to be easy and there will be no rest from the constant demands of my life. The best I can do is to try to tough it out and keep calm and patient until it all blows over. There's no need to go running home, but when I do finally make it home, you can bet I'll be happy about it.